This is going to sound silly. October 31, 2010

Sometimes I really wish I didn’t have to listen to myself think. My own thoughts stress me out so much that I just become nonfunctional. For the last couple days I have had a few things pressing my mind.

Going vegan for a week was a spontaneous idea. No, I was not watching PETA videos or looking up the milk production process. I just walked into my room and saw Sophie, my lovely teddy bear, on the floor. This made me think of how careless I was with how I treated her, which in turn led my thoughts to the treatment of animals. I have been a vegetarian my basically my whole life. I have never even tasted most types of meat. Does it mean that I should have no guilt when it came to all the stuff PETA whines about? No. Even being a vegetarian, my life is still not cruelty free. This thought does not cross my mind often enough. I know that I will not be able to be vegan for my whole life; I don’t have that much will-power. A friend asked earlier today why I was doing this. My answer was somewhere along the lines of: Even though I will not be a life-long vegan, I will, however, gain awareness for my whole life.

Another completely different thing that has been on my mind: College. Oh how I am ready for the day to come when I am officially a college student. However since colleges cater to those who like to change their minds last minute like myself, I have now idea where this day will be. I wish I had been one of those kids who has wanted to go to the same college since they were 10. But I’m not. Instead I’m like a kid in a candy store trying to figure out what to choose. The only difference is the amount of gravity this choice will have on my life. My fall back is one of the public colleges in-state. The problem is that I don’t know where my target school is. My reach schools are definitely some of the BS/MD programs I have applied to. I recently took the SAT and ACT. So far I have gotten my SAT scores and they are right at where they need to be: above average and in the top percentiles. Although, I was really hoping that I would wow myself and exceed my achievable goal. What gets me is that scores that ivy league schools look for are achieved by less than 5% of the kids in the country. The top 5%, the academic elite.    I have decided that unlike originally planned, I will be applying to no ivy league schools. They require SAT subject tests anyways, of which I have taken none.

Speaking of tests, I have quite a few piling up. I have been in and out of school due to headaches and field trips. I have 4 difficult tests in the next few days. None of which is a no-brainer type of test. Each one will require a large chuck of study time. The grades are very important on these tests because I am on the edge in a couple subjects. I would like A’s please, not the B’s that I’m going to get if I don’t study hard. I talked to my father today about this. He recommended dropping my math class one level down. It would still be an AP class, but slower and more accommodating to my busy schedule. For one of the first times in my life I actually do want to drop to a class that is not the highest level. Too bad it’s too late. My class is 2 chapters ahead of the class that I would have to drop to. We have already finished all the requirements of the class one step down. I don’t think my Calculus teacher would mind at all if I wasn’t in his class; I don’t think he enjoys my presence much anyways. I saw him at a play that I promised my sister I would take her to at my school.

My apologies to you, blog. October 27, 2010

I have once again meandered to another medium. Don’t get me wrong. I love hearing the clicking of the keys as my thoughts spill across the screen. But lately, I have been working on my cursive handwriting. I rather enjoy using that for my most random thoughts. The feeling of a pen glide smoothly across paper cannot be replaced (the look of it is also very beautiful and it makes my writing sort of look scholarly even though it’s not). The silly thing is that I always think to myself  “I must remember to blog about this tonight as well.” When I do try, as I do every night, I just end up with something very incoherent which lacks substance. Maybe it’s because I’ve already written it and the thoughts have left my head. I’m not much a fan of copying things to here either. I think of my blog and journal as two children that are in competition for my attention. It would not be fair to make one share it’s prize with the other.

I think the topics I have attempted to cover include consistency, what the characteristics of a grown up are, my silly teenage moments, the lack of meaning in the speech of politicians,  and the absurdities of religious traditions. My thoughts:

Consistency is what makes a person valuable –  doing something great once is fantastic, but doing something wonderful many times is what gives people definition.

Grownups have jobs or some self-created purpose, know what is important to them in life, and use their experience to guide them. Very loose definition, right?

As much as I would like to think that I’m ready to be out of high school, the truth is that I need to pick up a few more vital  skills. Not procrastinating perhaps.

Politicians are so ridiculous. Yes that was a blanket statement. There is no way that a person happens to have the exact same views as the party they run for. Why do so many of them pretend to? I hate parties.

Stars are wondrous, yes. I can not even begin to wrap my head around the concept of their formation and life. Does this mean I should make offerings to them to ask for a good husband? I think not. I do it anyways. Tradition is important to my family.

There. 5 days in 1. Tomorrow is going to be a death day. SAT scores come out from the one I took a few weeks ago. I have a  monster Economics test. And lastly I have a Paradise Lost test. I think I shall go to bed now and wake up at 3.

Money matters. October 21, 2010

As much as I dislike it. It really does sway people’s decisions.

I just asked Google what I should blog about. October 20, 2010

And most of the results were about how to make blogging something much more than it is. How to make money doing it, how to attract views, how to get laid by blogging, and how to use blogging to toast marshmallows. Well maybe not marshmallows, but you get my point. I guess everyone blogs for different reasons. Well whatever floats your boat. I’m in this just cause.

*Pizza Break*

Now that my sister has interrupted my train of thought with a delicious frozen pizza, all I can think about is this adorable sign she made me. She came up to me and presented it and to show her how much I approved, I allowed her to put it up in the place of honor, my door. Only the finest artwork is allowed to adorn my bedroom door. Thinking about this situation makes it hard to believe that we were the same girls at each other’s throats last night. Just goes to show, the ones that you love the most, you can hate the most too. I wouldn’t say it’s true the other way around.

Well I’m starting to sound silly. I promise that I started this post with some sort of thoughtful idea. It just didn’t come though. Oh well. I’m getting up early tomorrow to do Calculus. Woo.

I’m Sprinting. October 19, 2010

To somewhere. Just not sure yet. Each day is just consumed by things I NEED to do. Some of the time those needs line up with my wants so it’s nice. Today is hectic and everything is going to roll right into tomorrow. I missed Monday so I spent the day getting caught up and arranging make-up work. As soon as the time came to leave school  I hurried to find my friends and we went to an internship meeting. My internship teachers have to give us the same presentation every year so it was a little bit of a drag. When I got home I saw some messages from work asking where I had been. I realized the person who I thought was going to work, did not. Dang. So well, I may not be in the best standing right now. It’s okay though. I have other things to worry about.

Internship is a silly class, but a wonderful experience. The meeting today was fairly pointless, just one of those things the students are required to attend. Its a couple weeks from now when I will actually have to talk about my progress with my mentors and teachers. I’ll have to miss work for that too, great. I causally mentioned to one of my teachers today that I was having a great time in Labor and Delivery and that I had already seen one delivery and a c-section. Everyone seemed to wonder why I was even remotely interested in this sort of thing. That’s actually what most people ask me when I tell them about my position. They want to know if I get to observe birth and if it grosses me out. The answers are yes, and no. I was a little worried before the first birth because I didn’t know how I would react. I was fine, no faintness or anything of that sort. Just interest.

It is absolutely amazing how the whole process works. There is a certain moment of the whole thing that just leaves me in awe -when a baby is finally born but attached to the mother and still not moving much. They look like they could be little dolls. Soon the newborn will start moving, it just seems like it’s growing up right in front of you – learning to use his little muscles. Then, in those first moments of the baby’s life, he starts to do something that he will not stop doing until death. He takes his first breath. It’s almost are if you can see the life move into him. For a moment everyone watching is still and the movement of the little chest is all that you can see.  Of course as I’m witnessing this beautiful moment my mind is still buzzing with the thought of all the nonsense that I have to get done that night.

It’s starting to wear on me. My mom was right about me overloading my schedule, but I just can’t say no to it. Saying no to a challenging class is something I have never done. I have to get somewhere in life. Slacking is not going to help. I should stop writing and get to work. So much to do tomorrow. Silly that I still don’t know what exactly I’m working towards. Hopefully by the time my birthday rolls around in the spring I’ll know what’s up college wise. As for the rest of life, I don’t think you ever find out where you’re going. You just go.

The Ins and Outs of October 2010 October 18, 2010

In:

List making – I feel like I HAVE to do something once it’s written down and it helps me remember.

Scrubs – So comfy and easy to take care of.

Spell check – How would I write papers so late without it?

Common App – Why don’t all colleges use it? Come on public schools, we know you don’t really care much about us, but it would be nice not to have to get through a maze every time we want to login in to the application.

Reading – it’s a nice escape from everything, and well an easy way to relax before sleep.

Organic Shaped Jewelry – These days people are wearing more jewelry that looks like it grew on a metal tree. Like those metal leaves and dragonflies?

Sunglasses – It may be fall, but I’m still rockin’ these babies.

5 hour energy – I’ve never had a whole one, but even half of one will work wonders. It was my best friend during my first allnighter of my life.

Blankets – I love sleeping with the windows open then huddling under a few blankets to keep warm.

Out:

British Literature – I think I disliked American Lit. more, but there is much more immediacy to this problem.

SAT and ACT – I realize that I am not leaving the world for standardized testing forever, but after the ACT this weekend. I will be done for awhile. Oh, MCAT.

T-shirts – I don’t find myself reaching for hobo clothing much these days.

Bells – You know those bells that people ring when they need help? Well sometimes I feel like they are our main form of communication at my place of work. I’m tired of having any bell noise make me look twice.

Sleep – I wish I could do without it.

Easy Mac – I have been consuming this garbage daily. I should stop.

Loud Commercials – haven’t you learned anything from successful advertisements? You have to touch my heart to make me want your product, not just yell it’s name at me. You are not Billy Mays. Shut up.

Sick Days – minus being sick.

Looking back on it. October 17, 2010

This blog actually was becoming something. My writing, although confusing and littered with errors, was gaining some sort of style. I was enjoying it. Too bad that it fell so low on my priorities list that I forgot the password. Well now that I have made my way back to this little place on the internet, I’ve realized how much my likes have changed. Firstly, my political views are a little different, though I definitely still am fiscally conservative. I do still have an obsession for buying makeup, but I am much more light handed when it comes to application these days. The biggest difference, however, is the amount of time that I spend on the internet. I do remember the days where I had no free time until there was not another soul awake, heck, I’m still living those days. But presently, I make sure that I spend time with people instead of pushing them out. It’s like seeing someone after a long time. You can see how different are. But to themselves, since they were there through the change, it just seems like the same ole same ole.

I am seriously considering giving the url to this blog to people I know, maybe put it up on facebook for a little while. I just took the first step by giving it to my best friend. I guess that really only should happen if I stick with this whole concept. I’ll see how I feel in a few weeks.

Oh and I also use Chrome now. I was a hater back then. And I know what a comma splice is, doesn’t stop me though.