TeddyGrams

The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

It’s a trophy. ;) January 9, 2011

Filed under: life,Uncategorized — teddygrams @ 6:51 pm
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I’m working on a few happy blog posts. The ideas behind each of them die as I begin to write them, so they remain works in progress. When did I become such a scornful person? I don’t really hate good morning texts. I don’t really hate school. I don’t really hate people. I just hate feeling awful.

Winter break was surprisingly interesting, not nearly as mopey as I prepared for it to be. I quit planning everything and just let my friends do the work. I saw some of them quite a few times, others disappeared. It’s something that is going to take some getting used to. People walk in and out of your life all the time, especially during transitional times like these. Replacing them is never an option, learning to leave without them is all you can do.

The last couple weeks have been looking up though. I’ve met some new people, and tried some new things, all of them positive. Just happy times. I’m sure that the college kids went back with some good memories too. I know that one of them went back with a trophy of some sort. We’ll see what comes of it. Next year, I’ll be going with all of them instead of feeling left behind. Change is coming, and I’m not too scared anymore. Whatever happens, happens.

As of now, I’m content. Snow should be coming in soon. I’m thinking about some possible adventures during the spring. Skydiving is one thing that I really want to check off my bucket list this year. I’m looking forward to updating my horrid licence picture.

Summer plans are becoming more definite. College during the summer is a possibility, but unlikely due to the costs. It really depends on my brother, and my father’s plans. There are some ideas being thrown around that would prevent summer college plans all together.  Whatever happens, it will be nice.

Another note worthy thing is my tear count has been reset. 0 so far for 2011. I did fairly well last year until some rough times hit.

I really just want to hear some Cello music right now. I want to dance. I want to just enjoy what I have.

The snow should start soon, I’ve been writing this post for hours, just a couple sentences at a time.

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I just had to check. December 2, 2010

Filed under: friends,random — teddygrams @ 11:34 pm
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And he is right. A friend texted me asking if I was okay. He had just been reading this stuff. I was surprised that he could tell from my writing that something was wrong and went on to tell him about some things. I came back to actually read what I have written in the past few weeks and man. This is not me. It sounds so awful. Everything.

This has to change.

Currently, I am not blogging because my parents are annoyed that I write so much and I am so far behind on school stuff. I’m playing catch up right now. It’s the end of semester rush. 7 more tests, finals, then freedom. For a couple weeks that is. I need to keep my GPA up for scholarships. I’m going to try to keep my senioristis at the level it is at currently. Maybe even push it a little more.

I must sleep now. I have to wake up in a few hours to study some more.

 

They can certainly show you the path. November 21, 2010

Filed under: family — teddygrams @ 12:48 pm
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But you will have to take it yourself.

These words are some of Daddy’s wisdom today. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I saw my grandparents until this morning. Daddy told me that he went up to my room a couple times yesterday but I was not there. I was of course at my best friend’s house with another friend. I’m glad I spent time with them, we had some good conversation, but I miss talking to my grandparents. They have known me my whole life. I have known them for a small chunk of theirs. What does this mean though? Do they know me much better than I could ever know them?

This blog has noticeably become more about what is currently going on in my life. I really didn’t want it to turn this way, but it’s just so much more convenient to write here.

 

My Calculus book just got a haircut. November 16, 2010

It has been shedding sheets of plastic for so long, I decided to just cut them off with my knife. I don’t even know why I carry it around. It really is just a constant reminder of the work I should be doing.

I’ve been finding ways to avoid much thought today. Mindless essays are not going to help. I basically have my title page for my paper due in a few days. I also am running short on time to work on it. We’ll see how this ends up going, I’d rather not ruin a college visit by working on my paper while there.

I have started so many entries for this blog in the past couple days, I just haven’t gotten to completing the thoughts yet. These entries will probably never get published. Maybe I’ll do a quick summary of them like I did in the past. Right now I’m blogging because I have been avoiding it. The lack of numbers on the calendar being white is beginning to bother me so I figured I would change that.

I have actually felt quite some emotion lately due to letting my guard down. One of the things that I was doing this year was counting my tears and remembering why they were shed. The records were easily kept until about a month ago. I think I was at 9 before I lost count. I’m sure its around 30 now. I’ll try again next year I suppose. Thinking about this is rather silly; I was trying to make a point about avoiding my blog and got off subject. What do people normally do when they are outraged or feeling down? Well, what do bloggers do? We write. I wasn’t ready to try and project my feelings into some kind of coherent entry. Instead I found myself writing very lengthy IMs. It’s nice to have people to talk to.

School-wise, things are going fine. Just what I expected when I saw the numbers slipping lower weeks ago. I’m not failing; that will never happen. I guess I’ve just secured myself a place at an in-state school though.

I miss my family. I don’t know what has been causing me to stay couped up in my room lately. I’m at the lowest productivity level of my life. I don’t do anything interesting up here either. Today I had a conversation with my paternal grandmother, Mama, about the future. It all started with talking to her about abortion. I just wanted to know her views and learned quickly that they were very similar to what mine had been a year ago. The subject turned to adoption. She already knows of my future plans and hates them. Mama is convinced that I will feel the maternal urge at some point in my life. Today though she gave me her reasoning for not wanting to adopt. She feels that the children have unknown blood running through their veins, tainted by the misdoings of the children’s unknown parents. She also feels that the government should be the ones responsible for the upkeep of these children. Her thoughts are shockingly traditional sometimes, even to me. The last thing that we discussed was the topic of marriage. I made it clear that I will never have an arranged marriage. I was so ready to be shot down when I said this after hearing about her views on orphans, but no. Mama was quick to agree that this would be my choice. All I have to do is find someone my family would accept and have the traditional Indian marriage of course. This seems to be something that I could live with. We talked about the age that I should be before I start dating seriously.  Mama then went on to remind me to trust no one. Ever.

She is so right.

 

 

My apologies to you, blog. October 27, 2010

Filed under: life,school — teddygrams @ 10:50 pm
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I have once again meandered to another medium. Don’t get me wrong. I love hearing the clicking of the keys as my thoughts spill across the screen. But lately, I have been working on my cursive handwriting. I rather enjoy using that for my most random thoughts. The feeling of a pen glide smoothly across paper cannot be replaced (the look of it is also very beautiful and it makes my writing sort of look scholarly even though it’s not). The silly thing is that I always think to myself  “I must remember to blog about this tonight as well.” When I do try, as I do every night, I just end up with something very incoherent which lacks substance. Maybe it’s because I’ve already written it and the thoughts have left my head. I’m not much a fan of copying things to here either. I think of my blog and journal as two children that are in competition for my attention. It would not be fair to make one share it’s prize with the other.

I think the topics I have attempted to cover include consistency, what the characteristics of a grown up are, my silly teenage moments, the lack of meaning in the speech of politicians,  and the absurdities of religious traditions. My thoughts:

Consistency is what makes a person valuable –  doing something great once is fantastic, but doing something wonderful many times is what gives people definition.

Grownups have jobs or some self-created purpose, know what is important to them in life, and use their experience to guide them. Very loose definition, right?

As much as I would like to think that I’m ready to be out of high school, the truth is that I need to pick up a few more vital  skills. Not procrastinating perhaps.

Politicians are so ridiculous. Yes that was a blanket statement. There is no way that a person happens to have the exact same views as the party they run for. Why do so many of them pretend to? I hate parties.

Stars are wondrous, yes. I can not even begin to wrap my head around the concept of their formation and life. Does this mean I should make offerings to them to ask for a good husband? I think not. I do it anyways. Tradition is important to my family.

There. 5 days in 1. Tomorrow is going to be a death day. SAT scores come out from the one I took a few weeks ago. I have a  monster Economics test. And lastly I have a Paradise Lost test. I think I shall go to bed now and wake up at 3.

 

I just asked Google what I should blog about. October 20, 2010

Filed under: family,random — teddygrams @ 10:54 pm
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And most of the results were about how to make blogging something much more than it is. How to make money doing it, how to attract views, how to get laid by blogging, and how to use blogging to toast marshmallows. Well maybe not marshmallows, but you get my point. I guess everyone blogs for different reasons. Well whatever floats your boat. I’m in this just cause.

*Pizza Break*

Now that my sister has interrupted my train of thought with a delicious frozen pizza, all I can think about is this adorable sign she made me. She came up to me and presented it and to show her how much I approved, I allowed her to put it up in the place of honor, my door. Only the finest artwork is allowed to adorn my bedroom door. Thinking about this situation makes it hard to believe that we were the same girls at each other’s throats last night. Just goes to show, the ones that you love the most, you can hate the most too. I wouldn’t say it’s true the other way around.

Well I’m starting to sound silly. I promise that I started this post with some sort of thoughtful idea. It just didn’t come though. Oh well. I’m getting up early tomorrow to do Calculus. Woo.

 

It’s been awhile. October 5, 2009

Filed under: school,television — teddygrams @ 11:02 pm
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Since I last blogged or well actually blogged. You’d be amazed at the number of times where I will randomly start to come up with what I’m going to write about and get well into the topic in my head, then fail to write about it. These things are always the more touchy topics that you have to word carefully when you write. Recently I have been made to read some random articles, one of which used an interesting technique to make a point. Instead of actually saying something was outragoues, the author wrote about another ridiculous topic, and briefly compared it to the real point. Its hard to explain. But if you have time on your hands and you would like to read something very peculiar, here is the link: http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html

On a different topic, House was oh so intriguing today. House had a patient who if cured would go on to lead a genocide. Each doctor except for House and Foreman struggled with the concept. That really only leaves Cuddy, Chase, and Cameron (Mrs. Chase?). Since Cuddy made her opinion clear and stayed out of it, it really only left two doctors who showed their view point. The way Cameron thought it was okay to let him die, and the way Chase thought they should treat the patient. Of course the end was different, as it always is. I loved that this episode gave me something to think about, but I hate that it came so early in the season. I wish I could have gotten to see how House took it now that he’s been “fixed.” If the writers had only gave him his license back first….