TeddyGrams

The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

Hurt. July 14, 2011

I only ever blog when I’m feeling down.

I have a few things on my mind.

My sister, him, the person I call my best friend, the other person I call my best friend.

I guess I have people on my mind. And loneliness.

I want to go sleep in my grandparent’s room, but the kitchen is a dangerous place to walk through when I’m feeling like this.

I’ve come so far. I will not give in to this now.

Tomorrow will be good. It has to be.

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Think before you speak. January 12, 2011

Filed under: family — teddygrams @ 8:47 pm
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A common piece of advise to people. I find myself repeating these words in my head constantly. Not even to myself, but in reference to what other people say. I know that I also should take this advise, but more often than not, I don’t have much concern with keeping my thoughts private. I’m fairly brutal when it comes to telling people the truth, but that exactly why what others say bothers me so much. I expect the same level of honesty from everyone. If you don’t like me, then don’t pretend like you do. Or if you do like me, don’t take away the power of truth by speaking those words without meaning them.

Thank you and have a nice evening.

 

I woke up with a bag of cookies next to me. November 28, 2010

Filed under: dreams — teddygrams @ 2:36 pm
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The last thing before I went to sleep was not brush my teeth or wash my face, it was stuff a cookie into my mouth. I woke up and continued. After the second cookie I thought about it. My emotional eating has to stop.

I’ve been having strange dreams lately. Last nights dream was some odd version of reality. I had a baby, and named her Hope. The thought of that dumb TV show never crossed my mind, I realized they were the same name once I woke up. Anyways this child’s father did not exist. Within the dream I tried to figure out who it could be but failed, all of my friends just came to mind. My FRIENDS. What? I’m talking about all of the girls and guys close to me. I just decided that this baby didn’t have a father. I didn’t actually dream about being pregnant or giving birth, she just appeared while I was in the middle of a dream about a family vacation.  Hope was a little girl with blonde curly hair (so cliche – angelic golden curls). She remained an infant for most of my dream. She was a little secret within our family. My grandparents took care of her while I was out of the house doing my day to day things. When I came home, everything changed. I took care of her and did my homework, and when it was time to sleep I tried for a few nights to have her sleep in this yellow crib next to me, but she preferred to sleep on my bed. I gave up pillows for her that I love pilled on my bed. The focus of the dream then shifted to war, it was coming and I was worried. After a day of watching grim news I came home to find Hope had become a miniature adult, she had skipped every stage of growth and was now just a tiny person. I had suspected it was a dream that I was in to begin with but now I was sure.  She could walk and played hide and seek with her to test her skills with staying hidden. I continued to wrap her in a blanket and carry her, she did not object. When we got to my room she asked why I was so looked so worried. I thought about how innocent she was, she knew no history. She knew nothing about the dangers of the world. But I told her, I told her of war; I don’t know why but I focused on WWII in particular, it just seemed to be a prime example of all the hate in the world. I explained situations in Korea. She didn’t worry, she just comforted me. It was when Hope did this that I realized my whole life had become about her. I spoke to no one extraneously. I focused solely on her.

I didn’t like this and I woke up to see that it was well into the afternoon. I have been sleeping my life away. Dreams are becoming my new friends.