I have always worried about the day that I would no longer have my grandparents. The day I will have to live with just memories of them. This worries me so much because of how much of a disappointment I am. The way my grandparents see me now is fake.
It is the idealized version of me that they have created in their minds, the idealized version I have been struggling to become.
There is a problem though. Love. I can never be perfect in their eyes. I want to be so badly. I want them to see this new definition of perfect.
I’m afraid I will never help them understand what it means to me, this love.
I’m afraid of living with the guilt of never trying to explain it to them.
I’m so afraid.
It’s time to begin the process.