The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

Cookie-monster. February 15, 2011

Filed under: random — teddygrams @ 11:25 pm
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I am officially the heaviest that I have ever been. I’m sort of numb. The last 3 months have been nothing but looking for constant distractions, one of which was food. I have picked up a slight addiction to Famous Amos cookies. It is a problem. I am seeing that.

My indulgence.


I have gone from being a light-weight-vegan to having a BMI over 21.

This is slightly embarrassing, but I’m about to use the excuse that many adults use. I don’t have time to get back into shape. I guess now starts the fight to try to eat healthy and to get back into a routine. One that involves sleep so I’m not so tired all the time.

I feel so gross. This has to change. Going vegan again would be such an easy fix, but I think this time, I have to be practical. I must learn to turn away from the call of the cookies.


New zodiac sign? Really? January 13, 2011

Filed under: random — teddygrams @ 5:58 pm
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Crazy kids.

The earth has been wobbling (the axis shifted slightly) and the stars are no longer aligned. There were some miscalculations and boom. My life has been a lie. Okay, I’m not one of those people that relies on the stars to predict my life for me so I will be prepared but this is still slightly alarming. I am not an Aries? I am a Pisces now? Please stop an and explain. Because I will not let go of my stubbornness. That’s trait that I can give these Zodiac people that the predicted right. What if I was one of those people that got it tattooed on myself? Sigh. Here is the new calendar:

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11– April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20

This would have been so much cooler if I was an Ophiuchus now. Instead I got my ram taken away and was handed a fish.

Just for laughs, my father’s thoughts: “WHAT? The day I was born, I was an Aries. I am still an Aries. I don’t like Pisces, they are so pessimistic.” Hmm, maybe this explains why I’ve been so down lately. (I really do not believe this, but it is an interesting coincident.)

I promise that I’m not making this up. Multiple news sources have been reporting on it. TIME: http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/01/13/horoscope-hang-up-earth-rotation-changes-zodiac-signs/

It’s really not a big deal though. Just another thing for people to hype. Like I am right now. Ugh, I feel like I just feel into a mass-media trap.


Edit: This only applies to newborn babies. That would make sense because the reasons this change occurred are recent.  I really should make sure I know more about things before I start complaining. Now I just look like an idiot.


Check your totem.

A reference from the Christopher Nolan movie Inception that suggests that a person should examine their totem (small personal object) in order to determine whether they are in reality or in delusional dreamland.

Intended to be used sarcastically.

D-Bag: “I swear every b**** in that club wanted my D.”

Smugster: Go Check your Totem.

I found this mildly hilarious. Thank you, Urban Dictionary for that source of enjoyment. I must re-watch Inception soon.

I had one of those nights that you just can’t even think about sleep last night. All I wanted to do was get up and go on a long run until my legs fell off. This could be called cabin fever to some extent. I never stepped outside at all yesterday, I decided to knock out some homework instead. I heard my alarm go off that tells me to wake up for school when the streets aren’t icy before I feel asleep. I woke up much earlier than usual too. So I’m sort of running on a nap.

Immediately after waking up I decided to supplement my existing work out routines with something from the Nike Training iPhone app. Loved it (enough though I lack enough balance to do a couple drills). I don’t think I’ve sweat that much in a long time. It felt good.

Then an apple. What what? It’s been too long that I haven’t eaten one of these delectable things. My taste buds sort of went into shock. Apples=love. Too bad my teeth have gotten too sensitive to cold to eat them too often.

Sxephil break.

I try to keep up with the world and what’s happening. I try not to be just another one of those oblivious teens that is just liven life and doesn’t care about what else is going on. I have the second part down, I care, I’m curious. Even with constantly checking the news and things, I realize that I’m still not completely up to date. Politics, weather, and criminals aren’t life. There are so many things that are always going on that we will never be aware of until they hit the mainstream media. Now that were things get a little hazy. The media shouldn’t rule the information of the world. But the laziness of people has let it do just that.

Snack break.

Today is Lohri, a Hindu/Indian festival. If you asked me now, I couldn’t tell you what it was about. This is a sad statement. I know. It’s even more sad because it is more specific to northern India and the state where my family once lived. I’m thinking that there is a ceremony that involves a bonfire and celebrating winter and lots of food. I shall ask my grandparents in a few minutes. I don’t want to go to the family gathering tonight without some sort of background.

I hear “Fly like a G6” playing somewhere. Unmistakable bass.

The Super Bowl will be coming soon. I really should start settling down on a team. Knowing me, it will be game specific. It almost always is. I wish I LOVED a team, but I don’t. I was fairly impartial during the Auburn-Oregon game this year. I just like Cam Newton and like it when whatever team my cousin is supporting loses. Out of the colleges that I could go to, only one of them has a well recognized team. That college is also my fall-back, go figure. I guess I may just have to get used to losing.

I think its time for some core work, I don’t know what’s gotten into me today. I just want to be tired when I go to sleep tonight.


I just had to check. December 2, 2010

Filed under: friends,random — teddygrams @ 11:34 pm
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And he is right. A friend texted me asking if I was okay. He had just been reading this stuff. I was surprised that he could tell from my writing that something was wrong and went on to tell him about some things. I came back to actually read what I have written in the past few weeks and man. This is not me. It sounds so awful. Everything.

This has to change.

Currently, I am not blogging because my parents are annoyed that I write so much and I am so far behind on school stuff. I’m playing catch up right now. It’s the end of semester rush. 7 more tests, finals, then freedom. For a couple weeks that is. I need to keep my GPA up for scholarships. I’m going to try to keep my senioristis at the level it is at currently. Maybe even push it a little more.

I must sleep now. I have to wake up in a few hours to study some more.


Black Friday Nightmares. November 26, 2010

Not really. It was a fairly good day, but a great evening. My mother forgot to set a 3 am alarm for us so I awoke to a family rushing to get out of the door. I wasn’t really in the mood for shopping, I just enjoyed listening to music with my sister and messing around with her. She found this oddly shaped piece of cocking that had come off of the building we were waiting in line next to. She proceeded to throw it at everyone: my mother and father, my grandfather, and me. We laughed and laughed and before we knew it the line was moving. It reminded me of being really little and unable to wait. We really didn’t care about going into the stores, we just enjoyed each other’s company.

When we got home I crawled back into bed. My sister soon joined me and snuggled up with a few of the many pillows that surround me as I sleep. She was quick to leave; she prefers the softness of her bed to mine. I slept for almost 6 more hours. In that time I had some of the most vivid dreams I have had in a long time.

It started on a Broadway stage. It was “The Little Mermaid.” I was Ariel. This does not surprise me. I have seen the Little Mermaid movies too many times to count. The first song that I ever learned to sing was “Part of Your World.” I still to this day sing it in the shower. Anyways, the setting of the dream shifted from the stage to an actual place. I felt like I was IN the movie. It was as if there were still people watching and I was still nervous about messing up. There was barely any time for worrying though, I was on a ship (presumably Price Eric’s) and the water around me was beginning to move in. It was like Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbean. Ursula and Davy Jones’ monster were both there stirring the water up enough to take the ship under. Ursula sprayed ink everywhere and everything was black. When I opened my eyes (still in the dream) I was now in a strawberry field. I was wearing a white dress with daisies in my hair and dancing barefoot  – so cliche right. None of this dream was very original until now. All of my loved ones started to join me in my dance. Soon their loved ones appeared as well, and the loved one’s loved ones appeared. It was like the 6 degrees of seperation rule had brought everyone in existence (real or in memory)  to this field and we all had not a care in the world except having a good time together. The feeling that I felt at that moment in that dream is impossible to describe, it was beyond joy or happiness.  The collective cheer sparked something; it is that something that I think we are all after in our lives. I had a few moments to ponder this before the dream changed. All the people that must not have truly been living dropped to the ground. Terror spread. Despair crept its way through the crowd. Reality returned. I awoke to see that it was the afternoon. I joined my father and sister; we went back out shopping. I spent the rest of the day quiet, thinking about this dream.

This evening was nice. It was a nice little close to my Thanksgiving break. Tomorrow will come and I will resume my normal weekend schedule and the worry about exams will begin.

Today was my best friend’s grandfather’s 89th birthday. It makes me think of the future. All grandparents have stories to tell, the common theme is change. I’m content with the way my life is now. Change is coming. I guess I just have to accept that. When I was really little I would always wonder when something new would come. I would want to make new friends, live in new places, study different things. I’ve settled into habits now, sort of strange to think about. I like my established friends, I don’t want to move away from what I have, and I wish that I could narrow my studies to certain things. I’ve become much more close-minded. It needs to change. This ramblely passage is not what I intended it to be but so be it.

I think my sister’s presence in the room somehow has effected the way I’m writing. It is strange to have another person watch the words spill across the screen. I don’t mind it though. Today has been a good day with her. Snape, Snape, Severus Snape.


I need a distraction. November 25, 2010

Filed under: random,thoughts — teddygrams @ 9:12 pm
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To take my focus from how uncomfortably full I am. I’m close to my bathroom just in case. Each minute feels like and hour and I am trying my best to get through. The silly thing is that my body has yet another way to signal to me that it needs nourishment now. I don’t like feeling that way without it being my choice. I’m considering just letting it happen until there is nothing left to make me feel like this.

Music makes me feel more awful. I think it’s because whenever I hear anything, I sort of dance inside of my head. Dancing with a full stomach is no fun.

I met someone new today, my mom’s friend’s son. He is a strong advocate of UGA. He went there and got into Medical School. It gives me something to think about. I really don’t even want to to be in engineer.

He talked politics over Thanksgiving dinner. I enjoyed what he had to say, but then again I like hearing my conservative father discuss things with young liberals. One of the things this new guy talked about was the general shift in views as people age. “If you are young and not liberal, then you have no heart; but if you are old and not conservative, then you have no brain.” This was the first time that I heard this quote, after some intense Googling I learned that it is well known among those who are knowledgeable when it comes to politics.

Tomorrow is Black Friday. I’m looking forward to getting up and being with my family. I don’t think the four of us (my mom, dad, sister and me) have been in the same car for months. Sadly, the chance of this changing is very slight. Sometimes it feels like we all live out own lives, just happen to live in the same house. When I was younger I was always so concerned with family time. I refused to have the TV on during dinner and I insisted that we all eat together. Now I go downstairs and grab a piece of toast and a handful of cookies before I head to bed most nights.

I’m ready to stop thinking and sleep. No chance of that happening though.


My hair is thinning out.

Filed under: random — teddygrams @ 6:42 pm
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I’m 17. This shouldn’t happen. Yeah, I know, eat healthy, don’t stress, do this and do that. The thing is that  even if I did everything perfect my hair would still not be like it was a month ago. It is over 2 feet long. There is no going back.  New hair would never catch up to what is left. All I can do is protect what I have.  Sadly, this is what had been occupying my mind for a decent portion of this hour.

Vanity. It can dictate so much of what goes on in the world.

It’s Thanksgiving. All my cousins are running around my house gleefully. I am sitting here sulking in my room on the corner of my bed that is normally occupied by my best friend. That term had started getting so definite. I obviously was referring to a single person. For the first time in my life I was not saying “one of my best friends” but just best friend. It was a title.

Titles. What do people gain from them? Some strange feeling of having a place? I was talking to my best friend (a different one) and he reminded me of all the problems that erupt from giving people titles. I hate labels. I always have. Why is it that I wanted one? It doesn’t automatically make you closer to anyone. Security I guess. Not knowing what is coming in the future really gets to me.

Writers Block is killing me. I have somethings I would like to write about, but I don’t want to read it later. It leaves me trying to fill in the gaps of this feeble stream of conscience.

I should do a post on what I’m thankful for. It’s Thanksgiving. Maybe later.


I just asked Google what I should blog about. October 20, 2010

Filed under: family,random — teddygrams @ 10:54 pm
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And most of the results were about how to make blogging something much more than it is. How to make money doing it, how to attract views, how to get laid by blogging, and how to use blogging to toast marshmallows. Well maybe not marshmallows, but you get my point. I guess everyone blogs for different reasons. Well whatever floats your boat. I’m in this just cause.

*Pizza Break*

Now that my sister has interrupted my train of thought with a delicious frozen pizza, all I can think about is this adorable sign she made me. She came up to me and presented it and to show her how much I approved, I allowed her to put it up in the place of honor, my door. Only the finest artwork is allowed to adorn my bedroom door. Thinking about this situation makes it hard to believe that we were the same girls at each other’s throats last night. Just goes to show, the ones that you love the most, you can hate the most too. I wouldn’t say it’s true the other way around.

Well I’m starting to sound silly. I promise that I started this post with some sort of thoughtful idea. It just didn’t come though. Oh well. I’m getting up early tomorrow to do Calculus. Woo.


Another set of 50 Random Questions March 15, 2010

Filed under: random — teddygrams @ 11:06 pm

1. What is your best friend’s Mom’s name? I’m not telling you.

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? I really love the one on my shoulder. I don’t think its weird though.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? Well, he was actually a substitute, now he is the guy who watches the kids in ISS.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? No, but I have gotten into some intense kicking battles with a girlfriend.

5. What body part do you wash first? The roots of my hair.

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? Does this mean not sit down? Because I don’t.

7. What’s the strangest talent you have? I have yet to discover this.

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie all the way.

9. What’s your favorite flavored Pringles? Original, my most hated ones are the pizza flavored ones. Actually I hate pizza flavored anything unless its pizza.

10. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be? I have been wrapped in a blanket to the point where I can not move at all many times.

11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? If my parents said that I could only go to school, work, and internship, that would do nothing to my schedule. Just goes to show how much of a dork I am. =p

12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? I live in an area where parallel parking is not a common skill, we have nice wide angle parking spots.

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night? Night? No.

14. How many times have you been cussed out? Never to my face. lol

15. Which shoe do you put on first? The first one I find.

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar? Well I haven’t been to a legit bar.

18. Girls– What is the question?

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?  Hmm?

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16? So many personal questions.

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? Like in Cars when they were tipping tractors? I never understood what that was supposed to relate to in real life.

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? I never realize that I fall asleep, normally I’m reading or doing something. If I’m not I’m most likely trying to get sleep before school and I’m thinking about school.

23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Does singing songs and playing them on guitars count?

24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? I’d rather not wash my bed sheets, but I do think either one of those would result in some nastiness of the worst kind. Who came up with that question?

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents’ bedroom that was questionable? No

26. What was your childhood nickname? You. No, just kidding, I still consider myself a child and I’m not telling you.

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar? A few months ago? I don’t remember.

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? I left my house keys in there once.

29. What’s the weirdest thing you have done while driving? Changed pants

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Ewwe

31. How do you eat your cookie? Mmmm, cookies… depends on the size and kind.

32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? who wears belts at the gym?

33. Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others. I dance

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? I wouldn’t know.

37. Have you ever sniffed an animal’s butt? Um, no.

38. How often do you clean out your ears? When I think about it, every other day or so.

39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Scrunch

40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie? I never got statistical data on this, so I’m not sure.

41. Do you have any strange phobias? Foreign objects near my eyes, I don’t think I should be advertising this though.

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Maybe crayons when I was a kid, Kleenex

43. What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done at a bar? Well, seeing that I spend so much time in bars…

44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? I guess not since it doesn’t come to mind.

45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex’s name? I call everyone by someone else’s name. This is very common for me to do.

46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date? no

47. Have you ever played naked Twister? no

48. Have you ever been drunk at work? NO

49. Have you ever found your date’s/lover’s brother or sister more attractive? hmmm

50. Do you want to bring sexy back? heck yes


Random Questions March 14, 2010

Filed under: random — teddygrams @ 12:09 am

Give me the names of 3 objects or things you love most and why? makeup – my relaxation. Sophie – my really teddy bear. Youtube – my procrastination.

Give me the names of 3 objects or things you dislike most and why? Eye drops- i have a fear of things touching my eyeballs. Badly written textbooks- does this need a reason? Achy Knees- this ruins my day

Give me the names of people you love most and why? Flowers – shes always willing to listen, Lucky – its started with proximity and ended up with love, Family – i have a fully functional family

Give me the names of 3 people you dislike most and why? These people in my neighborhood that always park their car in the street, people who read into my actions too much, people who don’t give a crap about their own life and affect others with it.

Tell me about something you really care about? The future, I wish I could see that everything is going to be okay.

Do you dream? Always about what I fall asleep concerned about.

Can you remember your last dream? I couldn’t remember the point slope formula on the SAT. don’t judge.

What are your goals in life? Happiness, or more recently to live with no regrets. “You gotta live like your dying” =]

How would you describe yourself? A girl who seems very grown up to grownups and childish to kids.

Tell me about your childhood? I was born here and lived here for 6 months, lived with my grandparents in India until I was almost 3 (my first memories are around this time), then moved back when my parents actually owned their own home.

Give me 3 places you would like to go on a vacation? India, I haven’t been since before I was 3. Egypt, its hot, full of ancient culture, and has a very different culture to experience. Japan, I really would love to be surrounded by people and yet stand out. I also just think that it seems pretty and there is so much going on there.

Describe any accident you have seen or heard about? My friend’s boyfriend (my ex from a very long time ago) fell asleep at the wheel and flipped a few times and punctured a lung. He’s okay now.

When was the year you were the most happy and why? Last year from the summer on. I had summer then I started a very intense schedule and excelled. I also loved my internship, this semester I am not doing as well and I am not as into what I am doing.

When was the year you were not so happy and why? My sophomore year of  high school. Last school year. I was doing bad in school, and everything went down hill because of that and boys.

What turns you on about the opposite sex? I notice personality. Pretty eyes and bone structure are some of the first things I notice.

What turns you off about the opposite sex? Under-confidence, and too much apologizing

What scares you the most and why? The unknown

What do you do in your free time? Youtube

Do you like chocolate? Yes, mainly white and milk. Dark if it has something in the middle.

Do you like rainy days or snowy winter days more? Warm rainy days are nice, equal to non-windy snowy days

Name 3 things in nature you find most beautiful? Old trees, sunset with the silhouette of trees showing, and hills

Which is your favorite part of the human face and why? “Eyes are the window to the soul.” This is also the most fun part to put makeup on. Since everyone picks this though, I’m also going to do 2nd favorite which is a tie between lips and the way hair falls across a forehead.

Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why? Shoulders

What makes you bored? not having an agenda for the day

Which is your favorite four-legged creature and why? puppies! I have cried for one over and over ever since I can remember. My father always says when we get a house with a bigger backyard.

Do you like spicy food and why? Well my tolerance for spicy food is higher than the average person but low for an Indian person. Take it how you will.

Do you remember your favorite teacher? I have quite a few. My second grade teacher and my 10th grade language arts teacher. I just took the SAT with the LA teacher today.

Which are your 2 favorite careers and why? Pediatrics and Teaching. Not careers but fields that I would like to go into.

Which is the hardest thing you ever had to do? It must not have been that hard if I can’t think of it now.

When was the last time you lied and to whom and why? To my girlfriend’s boyfriend, who also happens to be my friend. I didn’t lie, I just pretended that he didn’t annoy me.

Tell me about a mistake you made? I thought “the market” was a game on facebook.

Tell me about someone in your family? My grandmother is the most kind, most understanding person I have ever met. She even has the patience for my grandfather who I also love very much. I’m going to miss both of them when I turn 17 while they are away.

Tell me about your favorite book, magazine or comic? Harry Potter. I grew up with the series and sort of feel bad for the kids who will never be able to go through that experience.

Tell me about someone you envy? This girl at my school that I barely talk to. She is a lot of the plays and has the most amazing voice. She always seems so sure of herself.

Tell me about something you’ve achieved? I manage my hectic schedule and manage it well.

Tell me about the worst punishment you had when you were a child? That punishment would be a week ago. I got my car,  phone, job, internship, computer access, and college money taken away

Tell me about someone you really admire? One of my besties from 8th grade who is still a part of my life but just not as a big part as  he used to be. I really admire his academic ability, and the way that he makes things seem uncomplicated

Tell me about the last movie you’ve watched? I loved Alice and Wonderland, or maybe just the girls I was with. It was really fun.

Tell me about a country you would like to visit most and why? I feel like these questions are repeating.

Tell me about your favourite music / song / band? I like anything that sounds happy. Owlcity happens to be one of my favs. Kris Allen too!

Tell me about something you would happily do again? Spend a day with my fav girls trying to decide what to do. lol

Name your 5 favorite foods? crunchy peanut butter, walnuts, carrots, lucky charms, tree stars?

Do you like to shop? Yes, but those who have gone with me know that it is very hard to convince to actually buy something if im not in the spending mood.

How often do you go online? All the time. My free time is here, on the internet.

Something or someone you miss the most from childhood? Being close to friend from 8th grade, and my old neighbor, my BFF till 2nd grade when she moved to Canada.

Are you usually late, early or right on time? A couple of minutes late.

Are you happy with your life for the most part right now? Yes

You can have one of the following two things: trust/love? Trust, love will come. It always does

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? To see Santa

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? Yes, I’m not clingy and I there when needed.

Your best friend dies, what would you do? Cry

When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt? I gave one of my friends the talk about PDA today. That’s 4 for 4.

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back? That I love them. There is no rule that says you must love someone back, it’s the reason that makes saying I love you hard.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on? My friends

Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? I don’t know CPR, but if I did I feel like it would be against the law not to.

Are you old-fashioned? I wish times were still like that.

Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart-break or have never loved before? no love at all? is that it?

If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish? For happiness

Whats your middle name?___________

How big is your bed? I used to have a queen, I wanted more floor, so i switched to a twin.

What music are you listening to right now? none, the speakers are muted. its 11:05 and everyone has gone to bed.

What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number? why?

What was the last thing you ate? peanuts?

Who was the last person you hugged? the girlfriend I have been driving around lately

How is the weather right now? dark. lol but partly cloudy, it rained today.

It took me 3 hours to do this. It could be because of my side conversations, but this definitely was a good choice for procrastination. =] Going to bed now, time change tonight. Spring Forward.