TeddyGrams

The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

It’s a trophy. ;) January 9, 2011

Filed under: life,Uncategorized — teddygrams @ 6:51 pm
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I’m working on a few happy blog posts. The ideas behind each of them die as I begin to write them, so they remain works in progress. When did I become such a scornful person? I don’t really hate good morning texts. I don’t really hate school. I don’t really hate people. I just hate feeling awful.

Winter break was surprisingly interesting, not nearly as mopey as I prepared for it to be. I quit planning everything and just let my friends do the work. I saw some of them quite a few times, others disappeared. It’s something that is going to take some getting used to. People walk in and out of your life all the time, especially during transitional times like these. Replacing them is never an option, learning to leave without them is all you can do.

The last couple weeks have been looking up though. I’ve met some new people, and tried some new things, all of them positive. Just happy times. I’m sure that the college kids went back with some good memories too. I know that one of them went back with a trophy of some sort. We’ll see what comes of it. Next year, I’ll be going with all of them instead of feeling left behind. Change is coming, and I’m not too scared anymore. Whatever happens, happens.

As of now, I’m content. Snow should be coming in soon. I’m thinking about some possible adventures during the spring. Skydiving is one thing that I really want to check off my bucket list this year. I’m looking forward to updating my horrid licence picture.

Summer plans are becoming more definite. College during the summer is a possibility, but unlikely due to the costs. It really depends on my brother, and my father’s plans. There are some ideas being thrown around that would prevent summer college plans all together.  Whatever happens, it will be nice.

Another note worthy thing is my tear count has been reset. 0 so far for 2011. I did fairly well last year until some rough times hit.

I really just want to hear some Cello music right now. I want to dance. I want to just enjoy what I have.

The snow should start soon, I’ve been writing this post for hours, just a couple sentences at a time.

 

I just had to check. December 2, 2010

Filed under: friends,random — teddygrams @ 11:34 pm
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And he is right. A friend texted me asking if I was okay. He had just been reading this stuff. I was surprised that he could tell from my writing that something was wrong and went on to tell him about some things. I came back to actually read what I have written in the past few weeks and man. This is not me. It sounds so awful. Everything.

This has to change.

Currently, I am not blogging because my parents are annoyed that I write so much and I am so far behind on school stuff. I’m playing catch up right now. It’s the end of semester rush. 7 more tests, finals, then freedom. For a couple weeks that is. I need to keep my GPA up for scholarships. I’m going to try to keep my senioristis at the level it is at currently. Maybe even push it a little more.

I must sleep now. I have to wake up in a few hours to study some more.

 

Black Friday Nightmares. November 26, 2010

Not really. It was a fairly good day, but a great evening. My mother forgot to set a 3 am alarm for us so I awoke to a family rushing to get out of the door. I wasn’t really in the mood for shopping, I just enjoyed listening to music with my sister and messing around with her. She found this oddly shaped piece of cocking that had come off of the building we were waiting in line next to. She proceeded to throw it at everyone: my mother and father, my grandfather, and me. We laughed and laughed and before we knew it the line was moving. It reminded me of being really little and unable to wait. We really didn’t care about going into the stores, we just enjoyed each other’s company.

When we got home I crawled back into bed. My sister soon joined me and snuggled up with a few of the many pillows that surround me as I sleep. She was quick to leave; she prefers the softness of her bed to mine. I slept for almost 6 more hours. In that time I had some of the most vivid dreams I have had in a long time.

It started on a Broadway stage. It was “The Little Mermaid.” I was Ariel. This does not surprise me. I have seen the Little Mermaid movies too many times to count. The first song that I ever learned to sing was “Part of Your World.” I still to this day sing it in the shower. Anyways, the setting of the dream shifted from the stage to an actual place. I felt like I was IN the movie. It was as if there were still people watching and I was still nervous about messing up. There was barely any time for worrying though, I was on a ship (presumably Price Eric’s) and the water around me was beginning to move in. It was like Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbean. Ursula and Davy Jones’ monster were both there stirring the water up enough to take the ship under. Ursula sprayed ink everywhere and everything was black. When I opened my eyes (still in the dream) I was now in a strawberry field. I was wearing a white dress with daisies in my hair and dancing barefoot  – so cliche right. None of this dream was very original until now. All of my loved ones started to join me in my dance. Soon their loved ones appeared as well, and the loved one’s loved ones appeared. It was like the 6 degrees of seperation rule had brought everyone in existence (real or in memory)  to this field and we all had not a care in the world except having a good time together. The feeling that I felt at that moment in that dream is impossible to describe, it was beyond joy or happiness.  The collective cheer sparked something; it is that something that I think we are all after in our lives. I had a few moments to ponder this before the dream changed. All the people that must not have truly been living dropped to the ground. Terror spread. Despair crept its way through the crowd. Reality returned. I awoke to see that it was the afternoon. I joined my father and sister; we went back out shopping. I spent the rest of the day quiet, thinking about this dream.

This evening was nice. It was a nice little close to my Thanksgiving break. Tomorrow will come and I will resume my normal weekend schedule and the worry about exams will begin.

Today was my best friend’s grandfather’s 89th birthday. It makes me think of the future. All grandparents have stories to tell, the common theme is change. I’m content with the way my life is now. Change is coming. I guess I just have to accept that. When I was really little I would always wonder when something new would come. I would want to make new friends, live in new places, study different things. I’ve settled into habits now, sort of strange to think about. I like my established friends, I don’t want to move away from what I have, and I wish that I could narrow my studies to certain things. I’ve become much more close-minded. It needs to change. This ramblely passage is not what I intended it to be but so be it.

I think my sister’s presence in the room somehow has effected the way I’m writing. It is strange to have another person watch the words spill across the screen. I don’t mind it though. Today has been a good day with her. Snape, Snape, Severus Snape.