TeddyGrams

The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

My Calculus book just got a haircut. November 16, 2010

It has been shedding sheets of plastic for so long, I decided to just cut them off with my knife. I don’t even know why I carry it around. It really is just a constant reminder of the work I should be doing.

I’ve been finding ways to avoid much thought today. Mindless essays are not going to help. I basically have my title page for my paper due in a few days. I also am running short on time to work on it. We’ll see how this ends up going, I’d rather not ruin a college visit by working on my paper while there.

I have started so many entries for this blog in the past couple days, I just haven’t gotten to completing the thoughts yet. These entries will probably never get published. Maybe I’ll do a quick summary of them like I did in the past. Right now I’m blogging because I have been avoiding it. The lack of numbers on the calendar being white is beginning to bother me so I figured I would change that.

I have actually felt quite some emotion lately due to letting my guard down. One of the things that I was doing this year was counting my tears and remembering why they were shed. The records were easily kept until about a month ago. I think I was at 9 before I lost count. I’m sure its around 30 now. I’ll try again next year I suppose. Thinking about this is rather silly; I was trying to make a point about avoiding my blog and got off subject. What do people normally do when they are outraged or feeling down? Well, what do bloggers do? We write. I wasn’t ready to try and project my feelings into some kind of coherent entry. Instead I found myself writing very lengthy IMs. It’s nice to have people to talk to.

School-wise, things are going fine. Just what I expected when I saw the numbers slipping lower weeks ago. I’m not failing; that will never happen. I guess I’ve just secured myself a place at an in-state school though.

I miss my family. I don’t know what has been causing me to stay couped up in my room lately. I’m at the lowest productivity level of my life. I don’t do anything interesting up here either. Today I had a conversation with my paternal grandmother, Mama, about the future. It all started with talking to her about abortion. I just wanted to know her views and learned quickly that they were very similar to what mine had been a year ago. The subject turned to adoption. She already knows of my future plans and hates them. Mama is convinced that I will feel the maternal urge at some point in my life. Today though she gave me her reasoning for not wanting to adopt. She feels that the children have unknown blood running through their veins, tainted by the misdoings of the children’s unknown parents. She also feels that the government should be the ones responsible for the upkeep of these children. Her thoughts are shockingly traditional sometimes, even to me. The last thing that we discussed was the topic of marriage. I made it clear that I will never have an arranged marriage. I was so ready to be shot down when I said this after hearing about her views on orphans, but no. Mama was quick to agree that this would be my choice. All I have to do is find someone my family would accept and have the traditional Indian marriage of course. This seems to be something that I could live with. We talked about the age that I should be before I start dating seriously.  Mama then went on to remind me to trust no one. Ever.

She is so right.

 

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I’ve been left at home. March 15, 2010

Filed under: family — teddygrams @ 6:45 pm
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While my grandparents take a trip to India. I miss them already. During the school year, I don’t get as much time to just sit and talk to them, but the fact that I could on a second’s notice makes me feel much more comfortable. My grandparents are the two people in the world that I would do anything for.

Of course Daddy and I get into fights frequently, but I am a Daddy’s Girl at heart. (I call my grands Mama and Daddy.) We are both hot headed and love to make our opinions heard, many times simultaneously. =] I always learn something new when talking to him about our family, he remembers things from so long ago. He is the one who pushes me to be my best, because he expects nothing less. Every small achievement of mine is a huge deal to him, and he really does know how to make me feel special. I miss him already. Who am I going to tease now?

My grandmother is the most perfect person in the world I have ever met. I know, everyone says it, there is not such thing as perfect. But you haven’t met my grandmother. She has all the patience that Daddy and I lack. She keeps us both cool when we are on edge. She is the best cook in the world (I’m hungry right now). Every decision she makes is based on morals and not personal gain. Things are clear to her, she lives by the golden rule (Treat others how you would like to be treated.) I really hope one day I can shape up and become even half as wonderful as her.

I’m starting the 6 week count down till they come home. Hopefully it won’t feel as long as it seems to be.

 

This is a little family background. September 25, 2009

Filed under: family — teddygrams @ 11:33 am
Tags: , , , ,

I often have so much that I want to write about. Of course I never have the time, so I thought instead of sitting here wondering what topic I would like to write about, I would just go ahead and continue with the basics.

I live with my family. We’re a fairly functional bunch. I have had some rough patches with my younger sister but it all worked out in the end.

My paternal grandparents mean the world to me. They were the ones who taught me to walk and talk. Even though I’m so much older now, I still have bad days if I don’t get to see them in the morning. They are my motivation. My grandmother, Mama, is soft spoken and has quiet wisdom that she is always ready to pass on. She sort of reminds me of Grandmother Willow, the tree in Pocahontas. She is very religious so that in turn affects my life. My grandfather is rugged and stubborn man, he reminds me of my father, who in turn reminds me of myself. He has seen the world change in his life time and it is so fun to listen as he tells stories of the past.  My Daddy, as I call my grandfather, is a fix-it man, anything broken in the house he takes care of. He reminds me that I can do anything I set my mind to and calms me down when I get frustrated or stressed.

My Mom and Papa are both people who I seem to be getting along with better as I age. The older and more mature I get, the more we see eye to eye. Most people say its the opposite for them, they have trouble getting along. The truth is that I’m afraid of growing up a little. I like the way things are going right now, as much as I complain. My parents are what ground me nd remind me of what is to come in my life. My dad especially keeps me focused. My mother and I have a different relationship, it seems the less we see of each other, the more we love each other. With her I know that if we lived in different houses, we would be the best of friends. But alas, she is here to tell me to clean my room, do my homework, straiten things up, and other things that I know to do without being told. The best thing about my mother is that she hasn’t forgotten what is  important to us, her children. She spoils us with love and attention.

My sister and my cousin who lives with us, they are a little tricky. For the past year, as my sister entered the preteen stage, I just couldn’t get along with her. I still have that problem some days. But it seems that we have been united against a common enemy, my cousin. We just complain to each to her about him, even though he isn’t nearly as bad as we make it seem. My solution for my antagonistic feelings toward him is avoiding hanging out with him at home. Its weird how we go to the same school and we live in the same house, but I only talk to him twice a day or so.

Well there’s a quick little summary of my feelings towards my family now. Of course, if I had written this two days ago it would be different. It all depends on my mood.

I must have been very tired when I wrote this on Friday night, I just noticed it was sitting in my drafts.