TeddyGrams

The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

Black Friday Nightmares. November 26, 2010

Not really. It was a fairly good day, but a great evening. My mother forgot to set a 3 am alarm for us so I awoke to a family rushing to get out of the door. I wasn’t really in the mood for shopping, I just enjoyed listening to music with my sister and messing around with her. She found this oddly shaped piece of cocking that had come off of the building we were waiting in line next to. She proceeded to throw it at everyone: my mother and father, my grandfather, and me. We laughed and laughed and before we knew it the line was moving. It reminded me of being really little and unable to wait. We really didn’t care about going into the stores, we just enjoyed each other’s company.

When we got home I crawled back into bed. My sister soon joined me and snuggled up with a few of the many pillows that surround me as I sleep. She was quick to leave; she prefers the softness of her bed to mine. I slept for almost 6 more hours. In that time I had some of the most vivid dreams I have had in a long time.

It started on a Broadway stage. It was “The Little Mermaid.” I was Ariel. This does not surprise me. I have seen the Little Mermaid movies too many times to count. The first song that I ever learned to sing was “Part of Your World.” I still to this day sing it in the shower. Anyways, the setting of the dream shifted from the stage to an actual place. I felt like I was IN the movie. It was as if there were still people watching and I was still nervous about messing up. There was barely any time for worrying though, I was on a ship (presumably Price Eric’s) and the water around me was beginning to move in. It was like Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbean. Ursula and Davy Jones’ monster were both there stirring the water up enough to take the ship under. Ursula sprayed ink everywhere and everything was black. When I opened my eyes (still in the dream) I was now in a strawberry field. I was wearing a white dress with daisies in my hair and dancing barefoot  – so cliche right. None of this dream was very original until now. All of my loved ones started to join me in my dance. Soon their loved ones appeared as well, and the loved one’s loved ones appeared. It was like the 6 degrees of seperation rule had brought everyone in existence (real or in memory)  to this field and we all had not a care in the world except having a good time together. The feeling that I felt at that moment in that dream is impossible to describe, it was beyond joy or happiness.  The collective cheer sparked something; it is that something that I think we are all after in our lives. I had a few moments to ponder this before the dream changed. All the people that must not have truly been living dropped to the ground. Terror spread. Despair crept its way through the crowd. Reality returned. I awoke to see that it was the afternoon. I joined my father and sister; we went back out shopping. I spent the rest of the day quiet, thinking about this dream.

This evening was nice. It was a nice little close to my Thanksgiving break. Tomorrow will come and I will resume my normal weekend schedule and the worry about exams will begin.

Today was my best friend’s grandfather’s 89th birthday. It makes me think of the future. All grandparents have stories to tell, the common theme is change. I’m content with the way my life is now. Change is coming. I guess I just have to accept that. When I was really little I would always wonder when something new would come. I would want to make new friends, live in new places, study different things. I’ve settled into habits now, sort of strange to think about. I like my established friends, I don’t want to move away from what I have, and I wish that I could narrow my studies to certain things. I’ve become much more close-minded. It needs to change. This ramblely passage is not what I intended it to be but so be it.

I think my sister’s presence in the room somehow has effected the way I’m writing. It is strange to have another person watch the words spill across the screen. I don’t mind it though. Today has been a good day with her. Snape, Snape, Severus Snape.

 

I need a distraction. November 25, 2010

Filed under: random,thoughts — teddygrams @ 9:12 pm
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To take my focus from how uncomfortably full I am. I’m close to my bathroom just in case. Each minute feels like and hour and I am trying my best to get through. The silly thing is that my body has yet another way to signal to me that it needs nourishment now. I don’t like feeling that way without it being my choice. I’m considering just letting it happen until there is nothing left to make me feel like this.

Music makes me feel more awful. I think it’s because whenever I hear anything, I sort of dance inside of my head. Dancing with a full stomach is no fun.

I met someone new today, my mom’s friend’s son. He is a strong advocate of UGA. He went there and got into Medical School. It gives me something to think about. I really don’t even want to to be in engineer.

He talked politics over Thanksgiving dinner. I enjoyed what he had to say, but then again I like hearing my conservative father discuss things with young liberals. One of the things this new guy talked about was the general shift in views as people age. “If you are young and not liberal, then you have no heart; but if you are old and not conservative, then you have no brain.” This was the first time that I heard this quote, after some intense Googling I learned that it is well known among those who are knowledgeable when it comes to politics.

Tomorrow is Black Friday. I’m looking forward to getting up and being with my family. I don’t think the four of us (my mom, dad, sister and me) have been in the same car for months. Sadly, the chance of this changing is very slight. Sometimes it feels like we all live out own lives, just happen to live in the same house. When I was younger I was always so concerned with family time. I refused to have the TV on during dinner and I insisted that we all eat together. Now I go downstairs and grab a piece of toast and a handful of cookies before I head to bed most nights.

I’m ready to stop thinking and sleep. No chance of that happening though.

 

My hair is thinning out.

Filed under: random — teddygrams @ 6:42 pm
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I’m 17. This shouldn’t happen. Yeah, I know, eat healthy, don’t stress, do this and do that. The thing is that  even if I did everything perfect my hair would still not be like it was a month ago. It is over 2 feet long. There is no going back.  New hair would never catch up to what is left. All I can do is protect what I have.  Sadly, this is what had been occupying my mind for a decent portion of this hour.

Vanity. It can dictate so much of what goes on in the world.

It’s Thanksgiving. All my cousins are running around my house gleefully. I am sitting here sulking in my room on the corner of my bed that is normally occupied by my best friend. That term had started getting so definite. I obviously was referring to a single person. For the first time in my life I was not saying “one of my best friends” but just best friend. It was a title.

Titles. What do people gain from them? Some strange feeling of having a place? I was talking to my best friend (a different one) and he reminded me of all the problems that erupt from giving people titles. I hate labels. I always have. Why is it that I wanted one? It doesn’t automatically make you closer to anyone. Security I guess. Not knowing what is coming in the future really gets to me.

Writers Block is killing me. I have somethings I would like to write about, but I don’t want to read it later. It leaves me trying to fill in the gaps of this feeble stream of conscience.

I should do a post on what I’m thankful for. It’s Thanksgiving. Maybe later.

 

I’m looking for something important to write about. November 22, 2010

Google news, yahoo, and the AJC fail to capture my interest this morning. I have woken up to such a blah kind of mood. I know that those awful stories about whats going on in the world normally get to me, but not today.

It’s thanksgiving week. Last year, I made a list of everything I was thankful for. This year I plan to do the same so I’ve been thinking about it in my spare mental time. I started this list when I was with one of my best friends in a very relaxing, spiritual  place. Everyone around me was happy; they all knew each other and cared for each other. It was hard not to smile when in that atmosphere. It made me wonder: I have never felt this way while at my own family’s religious events. Is it that language barrier? Is it the fact that Hinduism does not actively seek to convert people, to convince people that it is right? No one prays for the non-believers during Hindu ceremonies, or if they do I have no understanding of it. As much as if that simple prayer for those who have not yet accepted God should have annoyed me, it made me feel like someone cared. Or maybe this was all due to the fact I was with one of my best friends who all this is very important to. Whatever the cause of that feeling was, I know that it was a very good experience.

An unrelated thing that I have been turning in my mind lately is the idea of regret. Some people say they live with no regrets. How is that even possible? Wouldn’t it require not ever rethinking the past? I mentioned this to one of my best friends recently. She said that she simply chose not to do things she would regret. Isn’t that the whole concept of regret though? Everything is in retrospect. Previous to making choices it is hesitation. Of course the biggest flaw of this plan is being wrong. What if you think you won’t regret something but you do? What then?  I try my best to make decisions that I can live with, but I have slipped up in the last few weeks a few times. I know for a fact that I have regrets, but I just don’t keep a running list to think about. I try to brush them off as new experiences and ignorance. I just really want a good explanation for this.