Friends and boyfriends.
But I’m so much more realistic about things. People are not always good. Some of them are downright shitty. There is an art to meeting people and deciding if their shit if worth putting up with. It takes skill not to let yourself fall into a daze where everything is artificially perfect. It normally just takes one bad thing to snap me out of that daze. (But I always slip back into it.) I had so many arguments with one of my friends during high school. I always argued for the good in people. He always argued the realistic side. Oh, how things have changed.
Around this time last year, I lost trust in the one person that I loved and held above anything else. I snapped out of that “everyone is essentially good” mindset. I expected to go back to it as I always have,but I haven’t. My guard has forever remained up and everything is affected. It’s okay though, I know that I’m safe. I will always have myself to count on. I will not let myself depend on anyone.
I guess it’s sort of sad to think about things this way, but it has definitely made me stronger. Yeah, I’m jealous of all the lovely new friendships between all the freshman and all the cute relationships cropping up. But I know what I have is what it is. I don’t try to find a false sense of security in my relationships anymore. I accept things for how they are. Maybe one day I will find someone to be my best friend. Until then, I’m here. For myself.