TeddyGrams

The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

Advisment Musings February 9, 2011


I really don’t have much time to get anything worthwhile down, it’s the problem that I face every time that I have the urge to write. My notebooks are full of little paragraphs here and there of my nonsensical thoughts. I’ve been wanting to do an ins and outs for January, but I think we are a little too far into February for it to be acceptable to do so.

It’s February. The month of love. I just bought a “Crush Can” for my friend from her boyfriend. I think its cute. Lately, people have been hating Valentine’s Day. I’m sure this happens every year, but I’ve noticed it more this year, maybe because I don’t really want to buy anything for anyone. Being alone on Valentine’s day has never bothered me, I always have the love fo my friends. But this year, I’m still just trying to get back into feeling the love. Love haters are just so sour. I don’t like that I fall under the “sour people” category as of now.

I really do wonder where my life is going. In calculus, I’m constantly thinking about how I will not be able to survive the next four years without absorbing this vital information. I think that because I want an engineering degree AND a medical doctor degree. People tell me that I’m insane. I think I am too. I’m fairly terrible at Calculus (really only because I lack fundamental skills, I can talk you through a problem, I just can’t do it myself). It would save a lot of pain just to be a Pre-med Biology Major. Mercer would save a lot of pain. I’m still indifferent though — I won’t mind not being accepted to this program. I may still actually go to this college anyways, they have actual closets in their dorm rooms.

I might want to go into research, I might want to just be an engineer, I might want to get an MD and do Doctors Without Borders. I might want to do a lot with my life. I hope I do.

I think it might be time to start writing senior letters so my procrastination won’t get the best of me next month. I really only am counting the days of school that are left until spring break, after that it is just review and AP exams. 50 days.

Last year around this time, I met one of the closest people who exists to me. He was worried about the friends that he may lose due to the distance that he would be going away to college. I am too, I’m worried that I have  invested too much time onto some people and not enough into others. Sure, I may be a little sad to lose friends that I will inevitably grow apart from, but I’ve enjoyed the time that I’ve spent with everyone. I’m worried about regretting things. I wish that I could live without them, but avoiding regret is what keeps the world rational.  I don’t want to be lonely any more. The chain should come off the door.

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One Response to “Advisment Musings”

  1. muffinman Says:

    i hate how we can be surrounded by people but feel completely lost and lonely


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