TeddyGrams

The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

Masks. February 8, 2011

Filed under: thoughts — teddygrams @ 10:47 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Sadie’s is a masquerade theme, how fitting for a high school dance, a place where no one is actually themselves, just wearing masks pretending to be who everyone wants them to be. Then again, how fitting for life, this “putting on a mask” business is inescapable. Anyways, I don’t think I will be going to Sadie’s . I do not want to ask anyone. I don’t even want to go with friends. I just want to work or something.

Sometimes, when I have titles like this, I never actually post what I write. Just because I think that my ramblings don’t do the one word title justice. I’m fairly certain that this will be the case in the next 20 minutes as I fall asleep. I will ramble and ramble and forget why I even thought of writing in the first place. I will look again at the beginning to see if I had a topic sentence of some sort hint of what I should be getting at and will see the title again. I will see the single word that means so much that I have done nothing to define. I’ll think about how I haven’t posted anything in so long and feel the urge to click publish, but then I’ll realize that it doesn’t make a difference. I write for myself. Not for you to read. Once these words leave my head, I’ve done what I need to do, I’ve organized my cluttered mess of a mind.

But back to the one word title, Masks. I feel like I can’t take them off. It feels like if I don’t try, the mask that I’m wearing will become me (like its gonna melt into me and just never come off). I don’t want that to be so, not unless I like the mask. It makes sense to me, the way people act like nothing is wrong or whatever they may be willing to be true, eventually you just believe it. I’m not there yet though, I still remember that this is an act, it does not feel natural yet. Will it ever? I’ve shed the mask of makeup lately. I’ve tried to be more honest. I’ve tried to keep on the mask that I’ve been asked to wear. I don’t know how well I’m doing anymore. I want to give up.

Getting to know someone is slowly peeling off the mask. Why would you ask them to put it back on?

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