The Secrets You Tell Your Teddybear.

An unproductive sleepless night. November 3, 2010

Filed under: friends,issues — teddygrams @ 3:06 am
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It is rather unlike me to do this. Letting petty thoughts consume my being and render me useless when it comes to school work is just not my style. Ever since I heard the word “no” from my best friend’s mouth this evening, my mind has been filled with puzzlement. I had simply asked if I could open a message from a good male friend of mine to her. Why could I not open this? Surely, we all are a big happy family. She proceeded to tell me that it contains information that my good male friend did not want disclosed to me. This worried me. At this point, the item that was being kept a secret did not bother me, it was the fact that there was something hidden. I needed to know why. Had I been an awful friend? Had my little interest in drama finally begun to take a toll on my friendships?

I texted this male friend of mine only to have him call and tell me that he did not want to tell me this secret in order to protect a female friend’s privacy. I immediately knew what it could be. She had told me, hadn’t she? My male friend and I had actually had this conversation before. I was angry he had forgotten that we had discussed this topic numerous times before. At the time I admitted what I did was childish, but for a purpose of self satisfaction, I had to know.

Soon by best friend left my house and I was left alone with my thoughts. I had been forbidden to open the message. She had left access to it up on my computer, but I did not touch it. In fact, to lessen temptation I quickly closed it. I had to think. Why would my male friend deny my access to the knowledge of his conversation with my best friend? There had to be something else. I thought back to the discussion and after reconsidering the implications that he could have been making by his comments, I have come to a conclusion. This conclusion has to be right, everything lines up, including all the hints made over the last few months extraneous from the events tonight. Except for the actions of my girl-friend. I feel that in order for me to be correct, her actions would have had to be out of character. After coming to this standing, I decided the best way to satisfy my curiosity would be to confront her directly. She could easily confirm or deny my suspicion. I had all intentions of being blunt with her as I most always am, but for the sake of politeness I simply asked if there was something substantial that she had withheld from me. She said she could not think of any. Not a direct no. I let it go, I distracted myself with my Economics and Calculus. Now, as I am trying to sleep, I cannot get this out of my head.

There were actually a quiet a few interesting events taking place tonight in the world, but I would rather not mix them into this garbage.  I shall write more seriously later.